70+ Super Funny Golf Sayings That Will Keep You Laughing

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If you’re looking for a good laugh, look no further than these super funny golf sayings!

Golf is a game that takes itself pretty seriously, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for a little humor now and then. From famous golfers to everyday hackers, these one liners are sure to get a chuckle. So whether you’re teeing off on the first hole or putting out on the 18th, take a break from the all seriousness of golf and enjoy a few laughs with these funny golf sayings.

Funny Golf Sayings by Famous People

“Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly and the players complain about it.” – Unknown

“If you get caught on the course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, then hold up your one-iron; even God cannot hit a one-iron.” – Lee Trevino

“I have a tip that can take five shots off everyone’s game. It’s called an eraser.” – Arnold Palmer

“The only thing a golfer needs is more light.” – Ben Hogan

“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” – Jack Benny

“Golf is a game whose aim is to get a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.” – Winston Churchill

“Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.” – A.A. Milne

“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can’t see him laughing.” – Phyllis Diller

“Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.” – Paul Harvey

“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” – Bob Hope

“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” – Billy Graham

“I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” – Gerald R. Ford

“The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle

“Golf is like kissing your sister; it’s something you can do but don’t really want to do too much of.” – Bo Derek

“I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.” – Lee Trevino

“Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.” – John Updike

“Golf is a good walk ruined.” – Harry Leon Wilson

“You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husband’s work.” – Lee Trevino

“A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill unless there is sand or water at the bottom.” – Henry Beard

“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon

“One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good.” – George Archer

“After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the PGA Tour. Like the last time I asked my caddy for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.” – Chi Chi Rodriquez, PGA Hall of Fame

“Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.” – Jim Murray

“The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” —George Deukmejian

“I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: It’s called an eraser.” – Arnold Palmer

“It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” – Hank Aaron

“It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” —Mark Twain

“Golf’s three ugliest words: still your shot.” —Dave Marr

“Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course — the distance between your ears.” —Bobby Jones

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin

“We learn so many things from golf—how to suffer, for instance.” —Bruce Lansky

“I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers. Thank you. Now watch this drive.” – George W. Bush

Read Next: The 25 Best Golfers of All Time

Golf One Liners

Funny golf sayings with a glimmering golf ball.
Funny Golf Sayings about golf balls, golfers, and more!

Who doesn’t like a knock-knock joke for golfers? These golf one liners will keep your partner laughing all 18-holes!

What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?

The Bogeyman

What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?

Fore-Get Me Nots

What is a golfer’s favorite bird?

Any birdie will do.

Why do golfers hate cake?

Because they might get a slice.

How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?


Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one!

“Do you play off scratch?” said one player.

The other player said, “I sure am. Every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.”

I shot one under at golf today.

One under a tree, one under a bush, and one under the water

Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”

Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”

Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”

Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”

Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?

He was perfecting his swing!

Read Next: 8 Best Tips for Speeding up Your Pace of Play in Golf

Anonymous Funny Golf Sayings

Golf is a game of precision and patience. It’s a game where an unraveling can happen with one errant shot. It’s also a game that can be incredibly frustrating, even for the most dedicated and passionate golfers. But despite all of that, golf is still a beloved pastime for many people around the world. And one of the things that golfers love almost as much as the game itself is telling golf jokes.

So if you’re looking for a little laughter to take your mind off of your next shot, or you just want to bond with fellow golfers over some good old fashioned ribbing, then check out these golf one liner jokes.

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

Golf was once a rich man’s sport but now it has millions of poor players!

Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday afternoon because you always end up having to pray a lot.

The frustrated golfer drove over the river and threw the woods.

I’m not saying that I don’t like the way I play… I just wish it was someone else playing like me.

The difference between a whiff and a practice swing – no one curses after a practice swing.

Golf is a game where the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Golf is like life but longer…

I’m taking my wife to play her first round of golf tomorrow… should I be worried?

Golf is a lot like taxes… you go for the green and come out in the hole.

A gimme can be best defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.

Many golfers prefer a cart to a caddy because a cart can’t count, criticize or laugh.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

A good golf partner is always slightly worse than you are – and that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.

Golf was invented by wives to get their husbands out of the house on cleaning day.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Golf is an easy game…It’s just hard to play.

I wish I could play my normal game…just once.

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is the beginning of the next group of three.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

Don’t worry about hitting into the water… just make sure you miss the boat.

Golfing perfectly is like squaring a circle… theoretically possible but practically impossible.

Read Next: The Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time You Must Read

Funny Golf Sayings Final Thoughts

So whether you’re teeing off on the first hole or putting out on the 18th, take a break from all seriousness of golf and enjoy a few laughs with these funny golf sayings. From famous golfers to everyday hackers, these one-liners are sure to get a chuckle out of even the grimmest of golfers.

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Erin has spent over 17 years as a healthcare executive working with seniors in nursing homes, skilled nursing, assisted living, and independent living communities. She also holds a Masters Degree in Social Work and other advanced degrees related to seniors.

Erin grew up playing golf in a family of golf fanatics. She started this site to help others add more enjoyment to the game of life through golf.

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